Motivate Yourself 80: The Fine Line Between Love And Hate

Play
00:00
00:00
Interesting fact about the brain for you.
People have often said that there is a fine line between Love and Hate, but do you know why?

There have been countless 'chick flicks' about women falling had over heals in love with someone they hated at first, and just as many stories about couples falling out of love to such a degree that the cute and funny things become immature and detestable.
Well, did you know that it's all down to brain activity and habit?
Our brain has an area, buried quite deep, called the Insula, which is activated whenever we experience huge emotion, such as as hate and love.
Now, if you train your brain to activate this area every time you think about them then you'll experience the huge emotion every time.
But, problems can occur though when you consciously change your mind about something or someone, when the brain has already started the association.

Imagine the scenario, you meet someone and for some reason you take an instant dislike to them, everything they do or say irritates you and you'd do anything to get the chance to rub their face along a pebble dashed wall.
The Insula soon learns to activate whenever you see them or think about them.

But what if you are forced to spend 2 days working with them, and you realise that they're not so bad, you obviously got off on the wrong foot as they're just an ordinary person.
Too late, you've already got into the habit of activating the Insula every time you think about them.
Only now, because you realise that they're an alright kind of person, the huge emotion that the Insula brings gets processed as love instead and your opinion switches!

Unfortunately, it also flips the other way round and research has shown that when asked to describe the things about a previous partner that we hate, we very often simply describe negative versions of the qualities that we originally loved.

So be aware of all this, and instead of beginning to view your partner's over-protection as irritatingly controlling, try to maintain a realistic view of their strengths and weaknesses so you can avoid the fatal flip.
When you see that hated co-worker, remember that the emotions you identify as hate could just as easily be love with a little more information. When thoughts of your hated ex-partner make you angry, remember that you likely feel that way simply because you once felt so strongly positive about them.
With this perspective it's much easier to be happy.
comments powered by Disqus

Episode List