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Episode 142: DON’T Be The Best!

Are you following the FA Cup at all?
I’m not a huge fan of football myself, but I know enough that when I see that lower league Sutton United are playing Premiership side Arsenal it’s worth looking up from whatever I’m reading and go “Huh? how did that happen?”.
Now, we all love an underdog story and so it would be amazing to see Sutton United beat Arsenal, it’s the stuff that films are made of!
But the underdog lost. Arsenal beat them 2-0, but the difference in the 2 teams are like George Forman fighting George Formby! It could easily have been 10-0 but Sutton kept their energy levels up and surprised Arsenal with how well they could play.
They walked off the pitch at the end of the day with their heads held high knowing that they did their best.

But how easy would it be to think that because they lost, they failed? That they were unsuccessful?
To me it depends what your goals are. If your goal is to be the best you can be then as long as you do that then you succeed even if you lose.

In life we shouldn’t need to always win.
Being “The Best” isn’t important.
When did it stop being OK to be average?

When Michael Gove was Secretary of State for Education a few years ago he said that EVERY student should exceed the national average…
I got a D in my GCSE Maths exam (twice!), but even I know that EVERYONE being above average is mathematically impossible.

Not being the best in the world at something does not make you a failure!
Getting a 2:2 or a third class honours degree is not failing at getting a degree. And similarly, getting a first class honours degree will not make someone more successful at being a human than anyone else. Unless getting that degree was the ONLY goal in life.
But even then, it’s worth looking at what’s underneath that goal to work out what we really want.

There’s a phrase I use a lot in my therapy room, “There’s nothing worse than spending your whole life climbing a ladder only to get to the top and find you had it leant against the wrong wall“

Because instead of the degree that leads onto the job and the career etc. It might actually be that our only goal in life is to be happy.
But if you do all the wrong things thinking that it eventually leads to happiness then you might be disappointed.
Look underneath what you think your goals are and see if you need to set your own sub-goals rather than making assumptions or letting someone else set goals for you.

If your fitness instructor says you should have done a 5 mile run, but you only did 3, did you fail? In their eyes maybe, but not in yours, especially if your goal was just to get off your sofa.

Doing ANYTHING that moves you towards your goal brings you a step closer to where you want to be and a step further away from where you don’t.

Episode List

Episode 138: Keeping Up With The Joneses
Episode 137: The Likeable You
Episode 136: Why It's OK To Be A Loser
Episode 135: The Psychology Of Extremism
Episode 134: Are You A Lobster?
Episode 133: Critical Thinking
Episode 132: There Is Nothing Either Good Or Bad
Episode 131: The For And Against Of Imagination
Episode 130: Loneliness & Social Networks
Episode 129: Letting Go Of The Past
Episode 128: What Is Love?
Episode 127: Procrastination
Ep. 126: Who Were You Before The World Changed You?
Episode 125: Stop Saying "Sorry"
Episode 124: Emotional Contagion
Episode 123: Patience
Episode 122: Building On Your Foundations
Episode 121: Dealing With The Critics
Episode 120: Being Assertive. Just Say No!
Episode 119: Inactivity
Episode 118: Social Functioning & Evolution
Episode 117: Unleash Your Inner Superhero
Episode 116: Goals, Values and Priorities
Episode 115: 10 Tips To A Happier Life
Episode 114: Lies And Confabulation
Episode 113: Confirmation Bias
Episode 112: Are You An Imposter?
Episode 111: What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger
Episode 110: Are New Years Resolutions a good idea?
Episode 109: The African Violet Queen Of Milwaukee
Episode 108: Reframing
Episode 107: Spiders And Behaviourism
Episode 106: Practise Makes Perfect
Episode 105: Fear Of Flying
Episode 100 - 104: Happiness
Episode 99: Body Image And The Media
Episode 98: Evolution and Adaptation
Episode 97: Reflections And Regrets.
Episode 96: Dealing With Fear
Episode 95: Confidence
Episode 94: Enthusiasm
Episode 93: Tips To Relieve Christmas Stress
Episode 92: Dealing With Change
Episode 87 - 91: Self Esteem
Episode 86: Correlation Does Not Imply Causation
Episode 85: The Importance Of Being Lazy
Episode 84: Elephant Chains
Episode 83: Eating Bananas And Setting Goals
Episode 82: Ignoring The Media And Listening To Music
Episode 81: Awakening The Instincts
Episode 80: The Fine Line Between Love And Hate
Episode 79: The Best Medicine
Episode 78: A New Start
Episode 77: Time Distortion
Episode 76: Making Decisions
Episode 75: What's In A Name?
Episode 74: Pushing Ourselves Further
Episode 73: Conformity
Episode 72: Purpose
Episode 71: Perspective
Episode 70: Expectation
Episode 69: The Mind / Body Link
Episode 68: Overcoming Shyness
Episode 67: Mood Boosting
Episode 66: Sabotaging your goals
Episode 65: Self Talk
Episode 64: Money Makes The World Go Round
Episode 63: First Impressions Count
Episode 62: False Belief
Episode 61: Absolutes
Episode 60: The Psychology of feeling calm
Episode 59: Belief
Episode 58: Anchoring Emotions
Episode 57: Negativity and Perspective
Episode 56: Health And Happiness
Episode 55: Imagination vs Reality
Episode 54: Change